I think the overall consensus agrees – 2007 sucked. But doesn’t that seem to be the consensus every year? You never hear someone declare, “Man, last year rocked! I bet there’s no way in hell that 2008 will even come close.” No, most people choose to lace their usual negative expectations with a tinge of sarcastic optimism, i.e. “2007 blew. I’m telling ya, 2008 will be better. Much better. It has to be. If not, I’m blowing my fucking brains out.”
As for myself, I’m still on the fence on whether to deem the year a success or a failure. A lot of bad happened this year, but that bad just opened the door for the good. On the surface, most people will think I had a horrible year – I left my beloved, yet increasingly stale adopted hometown of Charleston for a job opportunity in Kansas City, only for said job to blow up in my face a few months later. After that, I decided to leave the soon-to-be-dead terrestrial radio game for good (a move I had thought about doing for the last five years, yet never found the nerve to achieve) and made my way to the City of Brother Love, or the City of shooting your Brother in his stupid face, depending on what you read or see on CNN. Here I began pursuing a degree in Digital Media at well-respect Art School (only 2 semesters left!) and landed a great paid internship as a Design Intern. Sure, between tuition and the sky-rocketing gas prices I’m just barely scraping by, but at least there’s a certain dignity to it.
Yeah, and I fell in love, blibbity, blah, blah, blah…guh. D* and I have been together for over 6 months now, and it’s a very comfortable place to be. We’ve discussed our long-term plans with each other, and I think it’s safe to say that we’ll be in this partnership for a long time, but also be sure to let things progress as slowly as they come. Which makes me wonder how patient D intends on being.
Anyone who knows me or has loyally read my old columns knows I don’t really care for children. When a girlfriend visited recently, she told me that if and when she has kids, I have to be nice to them. No, really. Those were her exact words. When I asked for a specific instance of when I wasn’t nice to a kid, she couldn’t pinpoint any, so I declared that her argument had little merit, but deep down, I know she’s sort of right. I’m nice to kids, but they can and usually do annoy me. I think they’re interesting because of their inability to be rational, but that’s also the basis of my anti-stance against them. Kids are selfish attention-whores, much like myself, and I don’t like the competition. It might sound harsh, but trust me. I think a lot of people feel this way, but don’t have the balls to say it, out of fear that they’ll seem uncompassionate and with little virtue. Luckily for them, my lady balls require a wheelbarrow and I’m not afraid to whip them out on occasion.
Of course, maybe it’s just the 29 year old Jessica talking, and the 33 year old Jessica will feel differently, maybe even a bit maternal. I kind of hope she does, at least for D’s sake. I think that by choosing not to breed, I’m doing the world a huge favor. But by settling down with D, I can’t help but think I might be depriving the world of an awesome dad. He’s patient, affection, kind, playful, but disciplined and rational. God knows we need more fathers like him in the world. Though he seems okay with my unyielding apathy towards kids, he could start resenting me if I do indeed choose to remain childless, and that would be horrible for both of us.
Maybe I’m worrying too much about our future as a couple, but these are things one has to consider when another person is enthusiastically planning to be a part of the other’s life. Kids can be a make it or break it deal for most couples, and I pray it never comes to that.
Plus childbirth is totally icky. Totally.
*The BF 4-EVA, doncha know.
